Spiritual Abuse Signs | Trauma-Informed Therapy in Pasadena, CA
Have you ever wondered why something that was supposed to bring peace, belonging, or purpose now leaves you feeling afraid, ashamed, or disconnected from yourself? Many people struggle to name what they experienced in faith spaces because it doesn’t look like abuse in the ways we’re taught to recognize. Yet the impact can be just as deep and long-lasting.
This blog explores spiritual abuse, a form of harm that occurs when religious beliefs, authority, or practices are used to control, shame, or silence individuals. Spiritual abuse can happen in churches, ministries, faith-based schools, families, or intimate relationships, and it often hides behind language about love, obedience, or “God’s will.”
Whether you’re questioning your past experiences, supporting someone who is deconstructing, or trying to understand why faith no longer feels safe, this post will help you identify common signs of spiritual and religious abuse. By naming these patterns, you can begin to separate harmful systems from your own worth, intuition, and identity. Awareness is often the first step toward healing.
Spiritual abuse occurs when religious teachings or authority are used to exert power over someone’s thoughts, behaviors, identity, or relationships. Unlike overt abuse, religious abuse is often subtle, normalized, and deeply intertwined with community life, making it difficult to recognize or leave.
Common signs of spiritual abuse include being told that questioning leadership is sinful, that suffering is proof of faith, or that obedience matters more than emotional or physical safety. Many people are taught to distrust their own instincts, feelings, or bodies in favor of external authority. Over time, this can lead to anxiety, chronic guilt, fear of punishment, or a fractured sense of self.
Clients who come to therapy after experiencing spiritual manipulation often describe feeling trapped between loyalty and self-betrayal. They may fear losing their community, family, or relationship with God if they speak up or step away. Queer individuals and women are especially vulnerable, as faith-based abuse frequently targets identity, autonomy, and sexuality.
Because spiritual abuse is framed as “love” or “truth,” survivors often blame themselves rather than the system. This internal conflict, wanting to belong while feeling harmed, can result in religious trauma, emotional shutdown, and difficulty trusting oneself long after leaving the environment.
As an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, I often work with clients who hesitate to use the word “abuse” when describing their faith experiences. Many minimize their pain because no one was physically harmed or because “everyone else seemed fine.” But harm does not require intent, and abuse does not require bruises.
From a clinical perspective, spiritual abuse disrupts core attachment systems. Faith communities often function as family, meaning betrayal or rejection can feel deeply destabilizing. When religious authority replaces personal agency, people lose access to their internal compass—what feels safe, authentic, or true.
In therapy, we focus on helping clients reconnect with their bodies, values, and boundaries. Healing does not require abandoning spirituality altogether; for some, it means redefining it on their own terms. Others find relief in stepping away completely. There is no one right path.
Healing from spiritual abuse is not about “fixing” yourself. It’s about untangling from systems that taught you to ignore your own humanity. One of the first steps is education. Learning about religious trauma syndrome and spiritual manipulation can be profoundly validating.
For example, one client (details anonymized) grew up believing that boundaries were selfish and obedience was godly. In therapy, we worked on identifying where those beliefs came from and practicing small acts of self-trust, such as saying no without justification. Over time, this rebuilt a sense of autonomy and emotional safety.
Other helpful strategies include:
Naming harmful teachings and separating them from your core values
Reconnecting with your body through grounding or mindfulness
Finding affirming communities that honor consent and curiosity
Working with a therapist trained in religious trauma
Credible resources for further reading include:
The Religious Trauma Institute (education and research on religious trauma)
The Trevor Project (support for LGBTQ+ individuals impacted by faith-based harm)
Journey Free (resources on spiritual abuse and coercive control)
You deserve support that does not require silence or sacrifice of self.
Spiritual and religious abuse can leave lasting emotional wounds, especially when harm is disguised as love, truth, or devotion. Recognizing the signs—control, fear, shame, silencing, and loss of autonomy—is a powerful step toward reclaiming your voice and your life.
If you’ve been questioning your experiences, struggling with guilt after leaving a faith community, or trying to rebuild trust in yourself, you are not broken. What you’re feeling makes sense in the context of spiritual abuse.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Therapy can offer a space where your questions are welcomed, your boundaries are respected, and your identity is affirmed. Healing is not about returning to who you were before. It’s about becoming more fully yourself.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I invite you to book a consultation, explore my therapy services, or sign up for my newsletter for continued support and education. Healing from spiritual abuse is possible, and you deserve care that honors your whole self.
